What I Learned From An Unsuccessful 3-Day Fast
Day one, I felt good.
Day two was a challenge.
Day three had me wondering what my hand would taste like.
You hear all these dramatic quotes about how a week-long fast changed somebody’s life — cured their cancer, gave them an instant 6-pack, saved a marriage, won the lottery, increased their IQ by 37 points, introduced them to god… all the things you hear about fast, ya know?
But all I got was hungry and angry in a failed search for ketosis.
To think I would’ve settled for enlightenment??
Ridiculous.
Day one felt like a true success.
It was Easter.
A clear-minded and productive Easter. Got a solid workout in, stretched, did yoga and some rehab work on my ankle, prayed and reconnected, wrote like a banshee, and, besides the stomach rumbles, experienced a prevalent mood boost. This was also a day after I purged on junk food, didn’t leave the house, and wallowed in depression. It was an easy flip from yesterday’s tune of self-induced misery.
Day two was when the real challenge began.
Another day off from school allowed me to build on day one’s producctive flow. Although I didn’t work out, I again did some yoga, stretched and rehabbed my totally f***ed ankle.
By midday, the cravings started to take hold.
By 6pm it was an animalistic urge to eat.
Dramatic, but I’ll liken it to this — like I hadn’t had sex in two years and Jessica Alba was in a cute little matching set, nagging me to the bedroom, but the chastity belt held strong. Wholesome and pure, and annoyed.
So instead of tasting Jessica Alba ( *who represents FOOD in this metaphor* ), I nipple-sipped my ice water with pink Himalayan salt and lemon.
Day three I blew it.
Irritable wouldn’t describe it, but couple that with actual real life bullshit and you’ve got yourself somebody who would NOT be fun at a party. It felt like my stomach and intestines were rebelling against me for a mini commitment to short-term health.
God forbid a white boy catch a vibe.
Just tryna get rid of those parasites Kevin Gates was talking about.
Because this was a day-of decision, made while flying by the seat of my recently tightened jeans — Dunkin Donuts mornings added a few unhealthy elbees this school year — I didn’t do much research at all.
And because I did no research, I started playing mind games with myself — two days is enough, isn't it??
Turns out it’s not. In order for your body to reach true ketosis, you need to go without pretty much ANYTHING your body can process. Without realizing, I’d broken ketosis law on all three days with the gummy vitamins I’d taken each morning. Not only that, but on day one I had half a protein shake after my workout.
Idiot.
At that point, I thought that I still might be able to reach the level of ketosis required with a fourth day, but I gave in to a healthy dinner of chicken, rice, and veggies…
Then I had a chocolate-covered granola bar.
Then I had another.
Then some chips.
Fast over.
You suck.
So what did I learn? What did I gainnnn from this experience?
Because there’s no losses, there’s only lessons… right?
Well for one,
I’m a fat loser.
Healthwise?
Probably nothing.
Here I am, writing this article a week later with a beer in hand.
It was also an incredible reminder of how blessed we are in this country to decide to go on a fast.
And to give myself some mental credit, I’m going to say that I failed successfully, considering I didn’t even think I’d make it through day two on the whim of a decision.
I’ll do it right next time.
Watch out, parasites.
I’ll be back.
THE FEEL V5
