Thankful For The Thunderstorm
I was never one to ask, “why me?” when things weren’t going my way.
That’s a little dramatic for most people living in a first world country if you ask me.
Plus I always knew why it didn’t go perfect. Most of the time, it was my own fuck ups.
I’m laughing about it now, but I took it all to heart. Til it was dark and the self-hatred was hot.
Never directed at anyone besides myself.
At my worst, the self-talk would appall anybody if they heard it in public between two people. It would sound like a horrible bully. Gross and unnecessary.
Give it up, guy, don’t you have better shit to do than taunt this dude?
I always recognized how blessed I am to have grown up in a comfortable home, food on the table, with two present parents, and a quality suburban education. I know I’ve been outwardly thankful for that part of my life in the past. Honestly, I feel a personal obligation to make the most of this life for that very reason. Nowadays I’m trying to apply that same principle to education.
Education came into my life at an important time. I’ve had a purpose for a long time but not enough responsibility for others. Teaching made that a bigger factor in in my life. I’m very thankful for the opportunity to bring more value to high school education in my community.
Even if I’m not quite where I’d like to be with The City Root, I was able to get to a place where I’m waking up every day and getting paid a decent salary, doing things that I WANT to do, rather than HAVE to do (i.e. 60 hour weeks in healthcare advertising and engineering) to make a living.
I should’ve been much more thankful about everything in front of me while I was so hard on myself for a few years there, but I guess I needed a little more time to get right.
Finally I was able to let the rain come down and water my garden, rather waterboarding myself with it. By waterboarding myself, I of course mean indulging in self-loathing.
Giving thanks for this ability to even feel the “ s u f f e r i n g ” being endured — whichever one of life’s lessons is being learned — will create some parting clouds in the storm. It’s not necessarily about being thankful for the hardships you’re enduring, but those troubles do confirm that you’re alive on this planet and a part of its ecosystem and you’re supposed to be here.
The shower you can take and the food you can eat. For the people you can reach out to and say hi.
That’s the juice.
In case you forgot, there’s a whole list of people the size of your arm that you have already forgot about that you could likely send a “hey what’s going on” message and they’d be happy to see your name pop up on their phone. You may think there’s not, but if you go through your phone, your social media, your old address book, your memory… I promise you’ll find a long list of people who would welcome a “hello” message from you.
Maybe instead of being frustrated, petty, and mad at the world, I could give thanks for the opportunity to better my situation, to live this life, and to appreciate all that I get to experience each and every day.
After all, I do get to wake up with a roof over my head, food on the table, in a free country, and make an impact in my community. That should be enough for anyone.
the feel v5
